


I'm just trying to keep my baby warm through the winter time.

by crazyfast



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Caring, Christmas, Christmas Themed, Dan is having a mental break down, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluffy, Good Boyfriend Phil, M/M, festive, v fluffy, v soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-07
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2019-02-11 13:39:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12936441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyfast/pseuds/crazyfast
Summary: It's december, Dan and Phil have a lot to do, including buy Christmas decorations and survive winter.OrA festive day in the life of Dan and Phil 2017 edition (but without the cameras and much more coldness).





	I'm just trying to keep my baby warm through the winter time.

**Author's Note:**

> TW!  
> This fics taks about, and mention the following things:  
> \- Mental illness.  
> \- Anxiety.  
> \- Mental breakdown.  
> \- Depression.  
> In my opinion, it does not describes it very graphicly, but the plot of the fic is about it.
> 
> Also!  
> Grammatical mistakes should be pointed out. Be nice tho, english is not my first language.

Phil could hear it, the bells jingling, the choirs singing, reindeers coming. He swear that it was this that waked him up.

December 1st had arrived, and he could feel the Christmas tingling on his brain. He was excited, a day before, they had bought a real Christmas tree, a big deal one, one that came from a farm, got killed and smelled incredibly festive.

"It really gonna be a different Christmas." he thought.

Dan, still sleeping, made a soft noise, stealing Phil's thoughts just for himself.

He looked at the man. Usually they wake each other up with a little kiss on the lips, but every time Phil had to do it, a million other ways to wake Dan always passed through his head; He could kiss his forehead, and his nose, his cheeks, his ears, his chin.

So many kissable places that he always would end up with their traditional kiss on the lips. Today, however, all this thoughts about tingling feelings gave him a funnier idea: Tickles.

In less than four seconds, Dan was already squirming and starting to laugh.

He opened one eye and almost screaming in his high pitched voice, said:

"What the hell is happening?"

"It's the December 1st tingles! They're attacking!"

"Oh noooo!" Dan managed to say while laughing.

Phil kept going until Dan laughs were more like screams and decided their neighborhood didn't needed to be waked like that, not this early at least.

While Dan calmed down, Phil took this moment to kiss his cheeks and then his forehead. Dan smiled brightly and pulled for a mouth kiss but was stopped, "It's December 1st." Phil said. "Kisses are now only allowed under the mistletoe." Dan laughed, of course he did. And pulled again for another try on the kiss.

"I'm serious." Phil said, getting out of bed, clumsy and giggling. And dan laughed again, of course he did, he was in love.

"We have to respect and honor the mistletoe, the god of kisses, and his Christmas wishes."

"Mistletoe is a creeper."

"Heresy!" Phil screamed from the hallway.

"Pancakes!" Dan screamed back.

                             ❄️

Dan was feeling good. He spent a whole week anxious, worried and really down. But going to a Christmas tree farm a day before, really had changed his mood. He was now feeling relaxed and festive.

The morning already started nice, and there's going to be pancakes. December was going to be fine. He was going to be fine.

He took a deep breath. He smiled. He got up.

                             ❄️

On Phil's way to the bathroom he got stopped by the coolest surprise:

"Snow!" he screamed.

Looking at their window wall, he saw the firsts signs of the first London winter snow, and he couldn't smile wilder.

Dan came running. "Really?" he asked.

"Yes!" Phil was almost jumping, and Dan had to get excited as well, how couldn't he? Phil loved snow so much, and he was so adorable.

He hugged Phil from behind, squishing his hips, stealing a cute giggle from his man.

"Merry December, Phil." the snow lover turned his head to look at Dan and pressed his nose to Dan's cheek, "Merry December, baby."

They stayed like that for a moment, staring at the outside and the snow falling, warming each other.

"And we have to go out today." Dan sighed. "We're probably going to get a cold."

                             ❄️

There was mornings like this, when they couldn't get away from each other.

Dan raised his toothbrush to Phil so he could put the toothpaste on.

They brushed their teeth in silence, elbowing each other to dispute a place by the sink.

Every time they brushed their teeth together was a competition, to see who would brush for the longest time.

Dan won. They never kept score.

                             ❄️

"Wait!" Phil rushed away from the kitchen.

"We have all the ingredients out in the sink. And me, also in the sink. What's missing?" Dan spoke.

The answer was Christmas music. He heard the firsts notes to "All i want for Christmas is you" and screamed "No! Mariah is upon us again!" and he could hear Phil's giggles mixed with the song.

He came into the kitchen singing and dancing. Made his way to Dan, fitted himself in the middle of his legs, Dan wrapped them around him.

Their noses and mouths brushing while Phil sings "I just want you for my own, more than you could ever know." and sings more. Dan felt dizzy, how could Phil make Christmas songs sexy? But he walked away when Dan tried to kiss him.

"I'm just gonna keep on waiting underneath the mistletoe." he barely can sing because he's laughing.

"You spork!"

And pancakes starts to be made.

"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas" is the next song. Dan agrees.

                             ❄️

The thing is that with Phil, is always Christmas. It's always holidays and festive times.

It's always joys and Christmas meals. And mince pie lists, and fireplace, and that Christmas cookies scented candle.

It's a better version of Christmas where you doesn't have to talk to your relatives, Phil is the family and the family only.

It's always tranquility and lull, but also, party and Dan's birthday. It's celebration and going home for holidays, even though this time of the year they always make their ways apart.

It's warmth.

It's Phil's body pressuring against Dan's.

It's their comfortable sofa.

It's his voice is Dan's ear.

It's those bloody annoying Christmas songs.

It's how their house looks when it's snowing outside and there's fire inside.

And it's that all year round.

Phil kiss like Dan is tasty like candy canes and like he is his best gift. Dan's hands in Phil's hips holds him like he was never there before. Time is not a thing, they act like they never heard about it.

"The weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful" Phil sings.

"Hmmm" Dan express his agreement.

"...and since we've no place to go, let it snow, let it snow, let it snow" He continues, never taking his mouth away from Dan's more than two inches apart. The way their mouths brushes is almost as great as their kisses. His breath is warm and smells like pancakes and it's so good.

"We do have places to go, Phil." Phil pretends Dan didn't spoke and just kiss him more.

"When we finally kiss goodnight" Kiss. "How I hate going out in the storm" Kiss. "But if you really hold me tight, all the way home I'll be warm" Kiss.

"I'm holding you tight." Dan states.

Phil giggles, "You are."

"They are not kissing goodnight." Dan says thoughtful.

"How come?" Phil asks, genuinely interested, he loves hearing Dan's thoughts, always did, always will.

"He's going home." Dan looks a little bit sad. "Never kiss me goodbye, Phil" Dan says softly and quietly.

Phil can't help a light laugh, "I never did, i never will."

"I know." he giggles. So sweet, Phil thinks.

"You do." Phil is giggling as well.

"Let's get up, we gotta go! You still have to clean the kitchen."

"Hey!" Phil pretends he didn't knew already that the work would turn out to be his.

Dan laughs, Dan kiss him one more time.

Phil sings, "As long as you love me so." and brushes his nose on Dan's, performing a eskimo kiss.

                             ❄️

"Did you blow out the candles?"

"Ugh." Dan could hear loudly coming from the living room.

"Why do you have to ask me that every goddamn time?"

"Because you..." he was interrupted, "I always..." pause "blow out" pause "the" another pause, running steps, loud noise of something breaking "goddamn candles!"

"Oh my god, what did you broke?"

"NO!"

"No?" Dan started walking to the living room, but Phil appeared pushing him back.

"Nothing!" he says.

"You were blowing out the candles, weren't you?" Dan can't help smile.

"No, i wasn't! Oh my god, you never believe in me!"

"Yeah, sure, love."

"See!"

"And you didn't broke a candle, right?"

"Exactly!" Phil grabs his hips and kiss him quickly.

"So, no problems and we can go?"

"You're a really smart boy, Daniel." Phil says lowering his voice and grabbing him tighter.

"Oh, fuck off!" Dan pushes Phil, who giggles, then opens the door and they get out of the house.

"You will still have to clean that mess when we get home."

"TRUST!" Phil blasts out loud, dramatically.

"Shhhhhh, the neighbors." Dan tries.

"NO, DAN. THEY HAVE TO KNOW THAT TRUST IS THE KEY TO A RELATIONSHIP!"

"Oh jesus, they hate us."

                            ❄️

"SNOW!" Phil jumps out of their build door excitedly but immediately looks sad. He lets a long and miserable breath and looks at the sky, "Crap."

Dan giggles but he's sad as well. He wanted to feel snow, he wanted Phil to feel snow, he wanted Phil to feel happy.

"Oh, so sorry, love." Dan looks apologetic at him. Phil pouts but says it's okay, "The fairy of snow loves me so much that she knew i couldn't deal with a cold right now. I'm busy, i have video games to play and books to read, business life, you know. She did it for my own good, hurts her more than on me." he says sadly.

Dan laughs, he wants to hold him, he wants to hold his hand. All this years, he got used to it, it doesn't hurt anymore not being able to be a normal couple and not hold his hands walking down the streets, but sometimes, when the snow failed to fall down, and it's cold, and the spend their morning being sap, and Phil spend his day being a dork, Dan just wants to hold his hands and let everyone sees it.

He's doing it on his imagination, everyone claps, the queen is there.

                             ❄️

Dan knows he doesn't get out of the house very much, but it doesn't mean that he doesn't absolutely love his city.

Like Phil, London is home. Not anywhere else in the world could be home. Despite his infinite love, not even Manchester could be home again. Like Phil, London is family. Despite his, also infinite, love, not even Reading could be family again.

Yeah, yeah, all that crap of "home is wherever the heart is and home is wherever i'm with you" is indeed true, but when looking at London, walking in its streets, living its life, he much loves to let himself think "You're fucking right Dorothy, there's no fucking place like home. So fuck Elvis Presley, McFly and this overused saying on those fucking boring facebook posts, fuck Edward Sharpe and the magnetic zeros, fuck Phil. I just want you London, no one's taking me away."

Then he smiles, because "Yeah, fuck Phil. Fuck him. Fuck him very much for being the love of my life and feeling the same way as i do about almost everything. Fuck him for loving London so much he always cries when we get home from aboard trips. Fuck him for never going away from here, but a bigger fuck him for being able to take me away if he wanted. Also, fuck him for looking amazing today. And every fucking day. Just, you know, fuck Amazingphil. That bastard."

"Ew, stop looking at me. Seems like you're in love or something."

"No way, bro. Just think you look hot, bro." Dan says holding a laugh.

"That's kinda weird, bro." Phil does a annoyed face but he's also having a hard time holding it.

"Is it though, bro?"

"I think it is, bro. It's like gay and stuff"

"Shit then, bro. Like no homo but i think i may be stuff." and Phil laughs.

"Like no homo as well but i think that you look smocking hot too, bro."

Dan laughs loudly, "Bro."

"Bro." Phil repeats and laughs a little bit more.

Phil, London. Those two silly things, they make Dan the happiest. "I never go home for Christmas, and he never kiss me goodbye." he thought.

                            ❄️

"I know how to hold doors, you know." Dan remembers telling Phil in 2009 when was the fifth time Phil rushed to open some door they were going in.

He wasn't bored by Phil holding every door for him, truly, he was charmed, enchanted, he wanted more, but he also wanted to know why Phil did it. 2009 him wanted Phil to be caught, he wanted Phil to blush and rush his words, and to admit that he was prince charming himself.

And Phil did, he did all of it, the blush, the rush, the shy confession: "I just like it. I- If you don't like i can stop. I just- I just thought it was nice and" and 2009 Dan laughed, held his smile wild.

"I like it. I really, really like it." he said.

Phil seemed relieved, he almost sighed, "Well, then..." he held Dan's hand, "I want to open every door for you." he said joyful and lovely.

And damn, that moment, that ridiculous moment, to 2009 Dan to every Dan that will exist, that moment will always remain in Dan's life as when every door in the world had opened together, and Dan was welcomed in all of them.

Dan doesn't know why he remembered that today, as Phil opened out the door of their tour management building for him. He doesn't know why he was being all sap, nostalgic and thoughtful, although, he was always thoughtful; Phil liked to call him a poet, but dan and his doctor just called him depressed.

"Can you believe we are all set and ready to go?" Phil pushed him back from his traveling thoughts. Dan just smiles and shakes his head.

"Oh the TBC's, my heart is jumping for them, they're gonna be so happy. I'm so happy. We are seeing them, Dan, it's insane."

"It is insane." Dan agrees, and presses himself more into Phil side as they walk. "I can't wait!" he states in is high pitched self, "I- i just can't." he breaths.

Phil smile him a smile of shared feelings, "Do you ever get nervous for them? For getting tickets?"

"Yeah, i do." Dan reveals almost as if he was telling a secret.

"Oh my god! I get so nervous." Phil giggles.

They faded to silence for some minutes.

"Remember 2009..." Dan hesitated.

"2009? no, i don't know her." Phil mocked.

"No." Dan roll his eyes, "Remember 2009, when you were holding all the doors for me, and everything was fresh and new, and i asked you why?"

Phil stoped and stared, a funny look on his face, Dan didn't knew; sometimes it happens, he hates to admit, sometimes, rarely, but sometimes, he doesn't know the look on Phil's face.

"Of course you don't remember, you probably don't remember..." Dan rushed to say, "You don't have to remember. But i remember, i remember what you told me, the why."

Dan didn't knew, but he kept going, "It's no big deal, don't worry. Actually, yeah, it is a big deal for me. Because i always remembered, thought about it, kept it." Phil smiled, Dan continued "You said-" and Phil completed, "Well, then..." he grabbed Dan's hand, showing him to the world, 2009 Dan to every Dan that will exist, "I want to open every door for you." he said lower this time, but the same, joyful and lovely.

And damn.

Everyone clapped, the queen was there.

And he left Dan's hand go.

                             ❄️

"Where should we have lunch?" Dan asked. Phil blankly stared at him, "Do you even ask?"

Dan sighs annoyed, "Do i even ask?"

"Exactly!" Phil says.

"Ugh."

"Don't ugh me."

"I'm just tired of your Starbucks slut ass."

Phil fakes a shocked noise, "I'm not a Starbucks slut!"

"You are such a Starbucks slut."

"Fine, whatever, if makes you sleep at night pretending you're never up in Starbucks ass." Phil teased.

"Ugh." Dan paused but soon continued, "Don't you want a proper meal?"

"You're a proper meal." then Dan almost chokes in is own split, "Oh my god, Phil! Ugh." but he's smiling wild.

"Don't ugh me! You didn't ughed me last night."

"PHIL, STOP!" he giggles, "Ugh."

Phil laughs, "Okay, let's have lunch somewhere else."

"Yay!" Dan said excitedly. "Sorry for ughing you, never ughing you again. And later we can go to Starbucks and taste those Christmas drinks."

Phil smiled, "Alright, but i'll chose yours."

That meant Phil would chose another one that he wanted to taste, and that meant sugar, dangerous levels of sugar, "UGH."

                           ❄️

Dan wanted to smack his head into the higher peak of one of those shining golden stars. He was thinking the one they chose to take home, it was the prettiest.

Why he had to let his anxiety takes control again? Why? It was a lovely day, he was in peace and having fun. Well, not anymore for what it seems. Hell, hell life, hell for the stars.

His breath was becoming way heavier as every step and every thought.

Phil noticed something might be off, he looked over, Dan just smiled, he was always good at faking it when he wanted.

They will hate it, they will hate the decorations, the real life tree, the star, the lights. They will hate the room they will sleep on, the bed, the lighting. They will hate the food, the kitchen, the dining table, the chairs (No, not the chairs, Dan thinks that the chairs they will like.), the lighting.

It was all bullocks to think, they had already visited their home, their kitchen, sat on the chairs and supported their plates on the dining table, they said they loved it.

"I love to breath." he thinks.

But they had never slept in the bed. Oh no, they will absolutely hate it.

He sighs, Phil give him a side look as he kept looking at Christmas tree decorations, but doesn't say a thing.

It wasn't the first time Dan had this thoughts, it was driving him crazy since early November when they unhopeful left it slide an "What if we did Christmas at our house this year?" and both of their families had actually agreed.

Relatives were a little more complicated, not everyone cherished them, not everyone knew about them. His mother said she would talk to some of them, Dan didn't knew if he wanted, Dan didn't knew if his mother wanted (they whole thing, to be honest), they both just seemed to go with the flow, a flow that went by the name of Kathryn, or Mother Lester.

"Do you think the gaming channel room needs more decorations?" Phil's voice caches him.

He chuckles, "Only if you want to make our viewers play a game of find Dan and Phil." Phil giggles,

"Yeah" he agrees "You already look like one of that presents."

Dan just shakes his head, because like he didn't actually fully understood what Phil meat.

"I love you, i want to empale my head with our new star!" but Dan doesn't say it. He breaths instead, he looks at Christmas tree decorations. He breaths again.

                            ❄️

"Oh for fuck's sake, Not again!" Dan whined. He had reasons though, it was the second time that "All i want for Christmas is you" played while they were in that story, plus the time Phil played it in the morning, plus the time Phil will probably play later that night, plus the rest of the month, categorizing 7 billion times he will had listened to this bloody song. He didn't hated it, but he had learned to not love it either. Thanks, Phil.

Phil laughed, "Yeah laugh you little bitch" he laughed more and exclaimed "Tinsels!"

He chooses his favorite and wraps them all around Dan's neck, who fixes them to hang in his arms like those famous fancy red carpet Marilyn Monroe people, or like madonna, who thought made him strike a pose.

Phil pretends he is taking pictures, and they continued their shopping.

Dan continued with the tinsels on him.

Dan continued breathing.

Until it came "Jingle bell rock" and encouraged by the empty hallway, he just throws himself in front of Phil making him stop, and he dances provocatively...provocatively ridiculously.

Some cabaret moves, some mean girls moves, some "what's even seduction" moves, some "i know i'm stupid, i do it for the lols, for Phil's lols, to be more specific."

And man did he laughed out loud, in fact, he almost died. Dan took his breath away, literally.

But Dan himself continued breathing.

                             ❄️

"You look a little bit off."

"Well, you too." Phil shot back. Dan gulped, and during the short while when they both stayed in silence, reasoned if he should share or not. He decided not. But why would Phil be like that, was he worried as well?

"What are you thinking of?" that was risk, but Dan wanted to know.

Phil pondered, faster as he could, and decided that he also didn't wanted to share his thoughts, at least, not all of them.

He stared at Dan and using his best low theatrical voice sung "I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, just like the ones i used to know" and Dan chuckles, smiles fondly and shakes his head, "I bet you are."

"Can you believe i've been out the whole day and there's has been no snow?" Phil said exasperated.

"But mate do you really want to be all wet and cold?"

"No, but- but snow!" he pouts.

Dan giggles, "We can appreciate from our window wall, or even our balcony, when it falls, okay? We're like VIPS on a snow show, huh?"

Phil smiles, "A snhow!" he snaps his fingers.

"What? Oh god." Dan rolls his eyes but giggles.

"I don't know." Phil laughs.

For now, a show was London Christmas lights.

It was building a tingling feeling in Dan's brain, toes and belly.

He was almost beginning to almost feeling warm again. And there was one thing that could help, "C'mon, let's make our way to Starbucks."

"Now it's Christmas!"

                             ❄️

They picked up their drinks, Phil made sure they were both super sugary, and they decided to drink outside, while walking and appreciating the Christmas lights and decorations once more.

And Dan was beginning to almost feel warm again.

"Wow, they sky is a little bit dark and cloudy, isn't it?" Phil noticed.

"Yeah." Dan agrees, but they were too entertained on the others bants they were having and the beauty of everything to really ponder about the sky.

Until it was too late.

It started happily, with a joyful cry from Phil of "Oh my god! Snow!" witch attracted some attention to him, especially from Dan.

"No, it's not." but he was fast contradicted as he felt a small, shyly and gently cold burn which fell in his forehead as he looked up, "Oh, it is!" he exclaimed.

"Yay!" Phil was holding his hand open as some fell on it, quite a lot fell on it, actually.

Then Dan brought his hand to his hair and it was already very wet, and then he noticed the riot of people around them, and then he looked at Phil and shit.

It seemed that they paced out for a while and went to another time line because how could a snow storm start this fast without them noticing?

They were all soaked already!

They looked at each other terrified. Dan felt dizzy and like he had no clue what to do next.

He felt Phil's hand on his arm dragging him and they ended up in some really crowed store after what felt like ages walking.

People were talking loud, and leaving the floor looking like the snow storm was happening there.

"You okay?" Phil's voice comes from a place that was right there beside him but that felt really far away.

"Yeah" but it was weak and Phil noticed.

He started cleaning Dan's hair, ripping the snow away, and then moved to Dan's face, touching him gently and caring.

"I'm sorry for wishing for snow." he said with a pout, while rubbing Dan's arms to clean the snow away and also warm him a little.

Dan laughs, feeling a little more on earth, "You bastard!" he says and Phil smiles. Dan let out a breath and make a move to clean Phil as well, but Phil took his hands away, "No, you'll be more cold."

"Phil, stop, let me help you!"

"No." he was holding Dan's hands firmly, "Besides, if you agree, i was thinking if wouldn't it be better if we just ran to a taxi? We can put my coat above our heads."

Dan pondered for a while but then agreed. Phil took his coat and they made their way out of the store with too much "excuse me"s.

They walked and walked. Phil was secretly receiving a lot of snow as he had let Dan be with more covering from the coat.

They walked more but after a while both had slowed down, seeming hopeless and wrecked.

All taxis were busy and the snow was fierce, falling down like it was the last time it would do it.

The coat didn't helped much, Dan was soak in snow already, a cute and tortured little white ball. Phil heart was hurting but he wanted to laugh.

Dan actually looked very sad and lost, Phil noticed that he was just following Phil around and was pretty much out of everything.

Phil knew. The moment Dan first looked at him when they were in the middle of that street and just had realized what was happening, Phil had knew the look on Dan's face. With some rare exceptions, Phil knows every look on Dan's face, and that one was from overwhelm.

Despite that Dan was hiding, like he often did, Phil knew Dan was having a bad mental health week. It wasn't only worrying about Christmas with their families together, but just general bad mental health week. He was doing much better mentally speaking, thanks, but it happens, Phil knew it very well by know, bad mental health weeks happens when you're a mental ill person, even if your doing much better, thanks.  
And he had two days pretty active and busy, and despite that he was truly happy these days (Phil knew), he was also, sadly, struggling in the back of his mind.

Anything can be a trigger to go overwhelm and break down, Phil knew that the adrenaline and coldness, discomfort and vulnerability that being exposed and attacked by a huge snow storm bring was the last thing to make Dan feel overwhelmed and lose it.

By that point they had already made it to the tube station, which was a relieve as it was much warmer and safer.

They both breath like they were holding for two days, and calmed down, staying sat on a bench for quite a while.

They decided with only few words that they should go home, and Dan decided that he could hold his crash for some more minutes.

He did this his whole life, should be easier.

Should be.

                             ❄️

When the tube got to the station near their home the weather wasn't better, in fact, it was worse.

They did the same as before, coat above head, but this time each with their own coat.

They made their way walking fast, but still seemed like they only made home after a actual thousand miles.

Phil was shaking so much he barely couldn't open their door. Dan was shaking so much he barely couldn't walk.

"Can i lay on the sofa even if i'm all soaked?"

"Of course, baby." Phil answered softly as he was closing the door.

Dan made his way to the living room. "PHIL! You broke my candle!" he was crying "How?"

Oh. Now Phil was feeling really bad.

He rushed to where Dan was and hugged him fast, "Oh, i'm so sorry. I was running and i broke, i'm really sorry."

Dan gave in and hugged back, real thigh just like his heart was feeling, and cried hard.

Phil moved them both to the sofa, sitting down and putting Dan on his lap. Rocking him lightly, he spoke "It's okay, cry. It's okay."

Everything was still so cold.

"M' not crying only because of the c-candles."

"I know, love. I know, it's okay."

"I-" Dan really didn't felt like he could explain right now, he didn't even felt like he knew right now.

"No need to explain. Right now or ever." Phil smiled sadly and kissed his forehead, "You can just cry."

And Dan did, desperately.

It wasn't the first time, he cries on Phil's shoulders frequently, and he often doesn't need to explain. It wasn't new, not at all, but every time he heard the resurgence that he could do it, that Phil was there to him, letting his strong shoulders take such a weak pain, saying so meaningfully words as simple as "It's okay.", kissing his troubled mind so lovingly.

This resurgence was a catalyst  
to his own healing.

This resurgence was the floor he would step when his own feet could walk again.

And he would.

                            ❄️

"I'm gonna run you a bath, alright? You wanna do alone or together?"

"Together, please."

"Sure." He kiss Dan's lips as gently as the way the snow had fallen down that morning.

Phil made to get up but Dan stopped him, "No. Stay just a little more." he had calmed down a little but he was still sobbing softly.

"It will not be long, i promise. And i'll bring a blanket." And Dan reluctantly left Phil go.

Phil was leaving snow everywhere. He will have so much cleaning to do later that he was already pitying himself.

He picked a blanket and made his way to Dan again, the bath was already running and they just had to wait it get full.

When he got there Dan was all curled up to himself, shaking and crying again.

Phil squeezed himself in the sofa, laying down and pulling Dan above him, who hugged him and rested his head in Phil's chest.

Phil wrapped them tightly in the blanket and together.

They only could hear Dan softly crying and Phil softly whispering some lovable words.

After a while, it got even quieter and less painful at the surface, with tiredness hitting them both, slowly and unconsciously driving them to fall asleep.

                             ❄️

Phil waked up with a jump.

"What the hell?" Dan said, clearly scared.

"I-" Phil said abruptly taking Dan away from his chest, "THE BATH!"

"Oh shit." Dan got up as well. They both started running to the bathroom upstairs and when they got there the scene was the literal definition of frustration.

The bathroom was all soaked. A enormous patch of water running to get even bigger.

Dan turned to look at Phil but the man was already long gone, and even faster he was back, all clumsy with loads of cleaning cloths and a squeegee.

He looked at Dan with a heartbreaking apologetic look, Dan shakes his head and smiles, "It's okay." he pick the cloths from Phil, "Let's do this."

It might have been more tiring and it might have been very hard, but it yielded them some laughs.

Now they were defeated on the, much dryer, bathroom floor.  
Phil sticked one hand in the bath, "Oh, it's cold now." he looked so sad.

"I still want a bath with you, so run me one again. Now!" Dan whined, jokingly.

Phil laughed "Alright, my prince, your wish is my duty." he got up and started to prepare the bath again.

When he finished, Dan got up as well and held his hand. "Shower first?" Phil asked.

"Great idea, keep us in the bathroom, cause if we forgot about the bath again i would surely die."

                             ❄️

When your love is bigger than you, things could be a little more difficult, but in Dan and Phil's world as love was always equal, they were used to it, and no matter the situation they've always fitted together perfectly.

Dan may be the official little spoon, but when Phil wanted to be hold, even when Dan was smaller, Dan would do it.

Nowadays, Phil gets held with more frequency, however Dan is still the official little spoon, even if he is now taller, Phil will do it.

So there the were on the bath, bodies as close as one. Phil in the behind, Dan resting on his chest.

Phil knows that he's not resting peacefully.

Phil is not resting peacefully as well, when his entire heart can't, he can't.

He is feeling frustrated, like it's all his fault.

He is such a failure, he just wanted to keep Dan warm and help he free his demons away, but all he did was wetness and cold and tears.

He breaths, at least now, they're warmer and safer.

But it still seems so bad.

They don't talk much, Dan doesn't feel like it and Phil prefers using his mouth to kiss Dan's hair.

Dan's smiles.

Maybe it's not that bad, Phil thinks.

                             ❄️

Dan is sitting on the sink again. Phil is making tea.

Phil looks at him, a remind of that morning when everything seemed happy, in peace, and in love.

When that boy with curly hair that Phil loves, seemed happy, in peace, and in love.

He looks away and smirk, "I don't wanna a lot for Christmas, there's just one thing i need." and looks back at Dan who screams "STOP." but his eyes, his eyes said that, at least one thing is the same, Dan is always in love.

And that is happiness even when he is not happy.

Phil serves the tea, grab some cookies, and they eat together.

It's warm like the bath.

                             ❄️

They were sitting by the fireplace with their hands on snow.

By that time of the day, both boys had given up on wondering when the coldness was going to end.

They were cleaning the things they had bought in the day, which unfortunately wasn't all protected by the plastic bag, and spreading them around the living room to dry.

"I can't wait to decorate." Dan said quietly. Phil smiles and nods.

They didn't ordered pizza with some sprinkled snow flakes, but that's what they were eating.

When they were finished with everything and were just laying down, cuddling, in the sofa, Dan was the one who played Phil's Christmas playlist from where they left earlier.

"Have yourself a merry little Christmas" Phil poked Dan's nose who laughed about the silliness of the moment. Everything with Phil was like this.

"Let your heart be light" Phil kept singing, "From now on our troubles will be out of sight."

He was curling Dan's curls around his fingers like that was the best activity to do.

Now the snow was falling almost unnoticeably.

And unnoticeable was also the very sweet and long while that the world remained that way.

                            ❄️

"I know it's not only that, but they love us." Phil said when they were on bed ready to sleep.

"Our parents, they love us. Us, us as a relationship, our life, our house. " And Dan just shyly smiled.

"Your parents love us, Dan. They might not get it everytime but they do. And i know that you know it very well, but i very well also know that you need a reminder of that every now and then, that you need to know that someone else agrees." Dan smiled brightly this time, "They love us. And they want this." Phil concludes.

8 years and it still amazes Dan how Phil just get him so well, how he just knows him, knows how he feels, knows how to feel about his feelings and knows what to say.

Dan kisses him. It's not enough for what Phil's deserves, but Dan kisses him.

"Thank you." he whispers, "Thank you for all of your resurgences and reminders. I need all of them badly, and they are always there." Phil smile is so wild, like him.

Dan doesn't think people ever thought about describing Phil as wild, but he is.

He's big and bright, brilliant, full, and takes the biggest place once in your heart.

He runs on you like blood, and take you around spinning.

He do all of things gently and caring, and that's wild.

His smiles, his eyes, his presence.

To be this amazing, and to be the love of Dan's life, it must take so much wildness.

And Phil smile is so wild, like him.

"And thank you for help me take care of myself today, like you always do. Pretty sure i could never be warm again without you." Dan concludes.

Phil laugh is so wild, despite that is actually just so, so soft.

He kiss Dan one, two, maybe more than six times. "You're more than welcomed." He finally says, but Dan knew it, Dan knew he was always more than welcomed.

"I love you." Dan whisper.

"I love you."

That night when not everything was happy or in peace, but everything was still, and forever, with no shadow of doubt, no demon, no storm and no coldness, in love.

                             ❄️

Phil could feel it, the tingling and burning sensation inside his nose, this was what waked him up.

And then, "achoo!"

Oh god no.

His head was heavier than all his bones and his throat more closed than his arse hole.

He looked at the man beside him. Sleeping, Dan seemed like peace was his second name.

Until it wasn't.

Once again, nothing was in peace anymore as Dan was coughing vigorously.

December was going to be fine.

Phil sneezed again.

Dan coughed more.

And again.

And more.

"Fucking hell!" Dan says.

"I-" achoo! "agree."

**Author's Note:**

> Validation is nice, kudos me, if you feel like it.
> 
> Merry December! And merry whatever you do or don't celebrate!


End file.
